Elder dallin h oaks dating versus hanging out
Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. An occasional group activity is okay, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door. Now their marriage is in trouble because each of them continues to hang out—he with the guys and she with the girls.“If you do this, you should also hang out a sign, ‘Will open for individual dates,’ or something like that. Time forbids reviewing many more of these letters, but I offer one more because it probably represents experiences that are typical. It was signed by a couple who thanked me for their happy marriage., I shared the opinion of knowledgeable observers that dating has nearly disappeared from college campuses and among young adults generally.It has been replaced by something called “hanging out.” I defined hanging out and dating for the benefit of those who do not understand one or the other.I then gave this advice, which I quote from that fireside talk: “Men, if you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow [before you were 16], it is time for you to grow up.Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with.That stimulated so many reactions that I believe I should revisit that subject before proceeding to the main subject of my talk tonight.
According to a 2002 research survey by Bruce Chadwick, 28 percent of men and 23 percent of women hang out in a group at least six times a week. Oaks addressed this practice and the “demise of dating” in his May 2005 CES fireside.
They aren’t there to constrict you or make you follow a rigid pattern; instead they aim to help you have the optimal experience for getting to know someone.
“My single young friends, we counsel you to channel your associations with the opposite sex into dating patterns that have the potential to mature into marriage, not hanging-out patterns that only have the prospect to mature into team sports like touch football,” Elder Oaks said.
Elliott Miller, a senior studying economics, said he understands being afraid to take the relationship to the next level because you might lose a friend or hurt someone’s feelings.
However, it’s important to consider the big picture before you rule out the risk, he said.
If you don’t know what a date is, perhaps this definition will help. A ‘date’ must pass the test of three s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off. Marriage is not a group activity—at least not until the children come along in goodly numbers” ( [CES fireside for young adults, May 1, 2005], 5–6). in the single scene in general.” A few men complained that women turned them down when they asked for dates or that it was women who weren’t willing to move toward family commitments. but feel powerless to reform the entire system on their own.” This woman thanked me for placing on each of us what she called “the personal responsibility to act,” and added that she had identified ways that she could “discourage hanging out and encourage, instead, a culture of dating.” As an example of that, another letter (one of my favorites) had a picture of the sign on the door to her apartment. ” Another woman reported that her sister had married a man she met in hanging out.